Official 'Mom' moment

So, as I have mentioned, Little Nathan and I have been suffering from a severe cold (cough/running/stuffy nose/congestion etc...) the last week to 10days or so. Well, we are both feeling better, but the dang symptoms are just lingering and lingering. Nathan is about 2 days behind me in recovery, so he is on the road. He just has a cough and tends to get real congested. This scares him and freaks him out (as it should for a little guy) and so he gets real upset, which just freaks him out even more and it takes quite a lot to get the little guy to calm down. Anyone who has babysat him knows that he isn't a patient Little Nathan. When he is hungry, he is hungry and the bottle better be right there or he will let you know just how hungry he is. Just his little personality. He is NOT a bad baby at all, he hardly ever cries (unless he gets real hungry) and is never real fussy (only when tired and he is fighting going to sleep)...

So, on to our adventure for today. Well, he is three months now, and I decided to set up an appointment at Sears for his 3 month photo. Both Jonathon and I have "official" pictures of us at three months...it seems to be a good age to capture the "baby" in someone. So, Sears it was. It seemed cheap and easy and they were open for 11am today. I get Nathan all ready in a really cute outfit and grab another one for an outfit change/Christmas photo (to possibly use as our "Happy Holiday 2006" card). I feed Nathan, so that he doesn't get hungry during the photo shoot...he is well rested and falls asleep on the 10 minute ride to Sears. Once we get to the photo center in Sears, he wakes up and seems to be a little fussy, but that was (I thought) because he was groggy from the tiny nap and just wanted to go back to sleep. I get him out of his carseat and get him ready for his picture to be taken...the 20 year old that was taking his pictures seemed to be real patient and waited a few minutes for Nathan to wake up. He finally does, and I set him on the set....ready to go. Nope. Not for Nathan. One thing you have to know about Nathan is that he will be all smiles and giggles....until he sees a camera. He will not smile for the camera...and better yet, he just stares at the camera as if to say "I know I am adorable, but would you please put that thing a way already!" He is like a little Alec Baldwin in the making...ready to bust the camera lens when he sees it. (Hahahah!) So the Little Camera Girl was working so hard to get Nathan to smile. Just once. She was clicking her month, clapping her hands, rattling a rattle, blowing air on his face (to which he just shut his eyes and thought to himself "ahhhh...this is the life!"). Nothing. Not one crack of a smile. Just a blank stare. It was actually quite entertaining, I felt like we were in the middle of "Candid Camera" or something.

ANYWAYS...Nathan finally cracked a few smiles, and she was able to capture them...or she was just getting frustrated. I stripped him down and she took a couple of him in his diaper, and then I put his little red shirt on (AKA his Christmas outfit). I placed him on set again...and again, Stone Cold Stoic Nathan came out. THEN...he started coughing. Just a little at first. But after about 10 minutes, he was just bored and irritated with people trying to get him to smile...and getting tired, so...the coughing started getting worse. He then went into a full coughing attack, which, as I mentioned above, just scared the Little Tyke into a frenzy. The Little Camera Girl started freaking out thinking that he was really sick...and I could FEEL everyone's eyes on me all wondering "why are you out of the house with this sick child? he is miserable!". At one point, Nathan coughed and sneezed at the same time onto my nice cream sweater and all I heard after that was (really loud, so the entire Sears Photo Department could hear) "Oh my gosh...he is coughing up blood!!!!" (from the Little Camera Girl of course). Let me just tell you, I high tailed it out of there. I didn't even see the proofs, and ran out saying "ummm yeah, I'll be back". The sheltering of children by their parents and the paranoid whispers was about all I could handle...and Nathan was still upset.....until...of course....we got to the toy section of Sears and he was completely calm....sleeping actually.

Needless to say, today was a "Mom" moment. I suppose as we get more and more used to being parents, or a mother, those moments won't seem so traumatic. And I am SURE that I was the one being overly paranoid in the Photo Department, just perceiving everyone's stares/looks/negative thoughts as exactly that...negative. Anyone who has been a mother/parent, in public, has HAD to have had a moment in which you fear the entire world is finally seeing that maybe you aren't such a good Mom (again, self perception). Its like how I felt at many of the jobs in my career, especially at Sundance and Churchill. I feared every day would be the day they would find out just how incompetent I am/was. I think it stems from the "this is too good to be true" mentality. Ya know? I am not saying that I really think I AM a bad mother, not at all...I think I am a good Mom, with the knowledge that I have. I have a lot more to learn though. Having a child is almost a "too good to be true" moment for me. The love that I feel for Little Nathan is so extreme and the experience is so wonderful that I pray I can live up to it. Throwing in other peoples opinions, negative or not, perceived or not, just adds another layer to the whole experience.

So...as I rambled....that was my "Mom" moment today. By the way...I do plan to go and look at the proofs. AND, for those out there super concerned...the "blood" that the Little Camera Girl thought she saw, was only fuzz from Nathan's new red shirt. He had been sucking on his fist, and his sleeve had gotten in the way...thus red fuzz in his mouth that came out when he sneezed/coughed. :)