So...when I reported that Nathan has made the adjustment to being a big brother smoothly, I wasn't entirely truthful. He has done, under the circumstances (me being in the hospital, a little brother to take our attention, company, no power, schedule a little askew) remarkably well. The ONE thing that has happened, though, is that he has become even more attached to me than he was before. He has always been a "mamma's boy"...however, now it is very extreme. He is having extreme separation anxiety. EXTREME!
The places (i.e. Nan and Pap's, school, church, bedtime) that he used to excitedly and willingly go, have now become places of extreme anxiety. He has gotten more used to school and church the last week or so...meaning, he only whimpers when I leave him. However, going to Nan and Pap's house he has huge emotional meltdowns. He is fine if I am there and around (but he has to know where I am at at all times)...but seems to completely lose it when I go to leave, or they come and pick him up. It is heart wrenching for me to hear (what sounds like) his heart breaking and begging to "just stay with Momma". He does this a tiny bit when I leave, and Jonathon is with him, though not as bad. And when I am around, like I said, he has to know where I am at all times...and often follows me everywhere I go.
Now, within 5 minutes of me being out of sight, he normally calms down as if nothing happened...so he can't be that heart broken, can he?
My question to all you "pros" out there is: What is this? Is this being two? Is this having a little brother and adjusting? Is it all of the above? Am I doing emotional and psychological damage to him by leaving him once and a while? Is he just playing me? Am I the worst mother in the world for leaving him when he is begging for me to stay or begging to stay with me? HELP!
Gah...this mothering thing! I am trying SO hard not to screw up my kids! Is it even avoidable?
15 years ago
4 comments:
i have yet to make the transition from one child to two...but if i had to guess, i would think it's totally a transitional thing, him just getting used to having a baby in the house. you are NOT a terrible mother if you leave him from time to time. he's in the care of other loving individuals and you need your own time too. i'm sure i'll feel the same way in a couple months when alexa goes through the same thing, as i just know she's going to!
bad mom? no way... Help? I have none...but if you figure it out, pass on the secret! No, seriously, he will adjust, and deep down you know he will. Sadly, with motherhood, NOTHING comes easy. All I did with mine was take an extra 5 minutes at some point in the day just for them and only for them, that's all (I mean aside from the usual routine). With Jimmy, we just wrestled. With Livianna, we rocked and sang. I don't even know if it helped, but it made me feel happy...and good luck you fantastic mother.
Whatever you do don't change his schedule of going places: school, church, Nan's; just because he cries. If you do he will become more dependent on you and it will be even harder to be able to leave him. He needs to see that you will be back. It's a transitional thing and he is a little insecure. He is realizing he is his own person and not an extension of you, which is a bit unsettling and confusing. Make a big deal when you come to pick him and he will forget about the leaving part if that is not the "Big Deal."
Does anyone not screw up their children? ;) Rach you are a great mom and Nathan is a great kid largely because of that. I am sure that the transition of not having you all to himself is a little sad for him but I think that he needs to keep going those places and doing those things. It will be better for both of you in the long run. And he is with people he knows and trusts and people that love him a lot so he is well cared for and has a great time. I would keep doing mommy and Nate time. A couple hours a week give Sam to Jon and go have one on one time with him. He will love it and remember that far longer than crying when he is without you. ;)
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